Youtube, tighty-whiteys and me

Hello. My name is Julie and I'm a Youtube addict.

I'm not kidding - I'm totally hooked! It's insidious, just like Tetris. Just one more link, just one more play. I'll stop in an hour. Yeah, right. I haven't played Tetris in years for a reason. Back when Tetris first came out, I had some friends with the game and when housesitting for them, I'd find myself uncontrollably playing that game forever. Literally all night and into the wee hours of the morning. Or maybe that would be weewee hours since it was 3 o'clock in the morning when I'd finally tear myself away. I kept swearing over and over, "Just one more game, that's all, I swear!" But oh no, it wasn't and I couldn't and I didn't stop until I'd literally find myself groggy with the need for sleep, my eyes feeling grittier and heavier than your swim shorts after a day at the beach.

It's like that with Youtube for me. My GOD! I can't believe it, but dang, there's just so many cool and interesting things to see on there. Like I said before, it's like a People magazine version of reality TV but without the commercials. Well, until I click on them, that is. Real life in 2-5 minutes bytes. And I keep byting, chewing and swallowing.

If there weren't literally millions of things to see and hear, I'd be OK. I mean, if it was primarily Nascar or boxing or tweeners at the Mall, I could stop, I swear. That'd be easy since I have no interest in (99% of) those videos. See, even that 1% snags me and won't let me go.

I know it's a type of voyerism, which is just great, so let's add that to my list of "things:" lesbian, recovering alcoholic, procrastinator, voyeur! The Family Values people just love to know these things about us. My "cookies" give me away and next thing you know, I'll be part of some "scientific study" done to prove we're unstable, non-monogamous and severely fashion-impaired (like Presbyterians aren't; have you seen some of those outfits?).

But that voyeurism is so much fun! I can do and see things I'd never be able to in my life. I mean, hey, I can travel the streets of Bankok and experience eating fried insects with Brits, I can check out gay underwear models (the models are gay, not necessarily the underwear, but there was that "SoGay TV" episode from Toronto on "guess who's gay or straight" and they were asking the guys what brand of undies they wore as a determining factor), I get to watch sushi being made, I can sing along with The Andrews Sisters, go on a roller coaster in the dark (oh yeah, watching that was exciting)...see what I mean? I watch goofy claymation clips and commie-pinko commercials that've been banned. I see trumpet embrochure-building techniques and Rachel Ray introducing Jessica Simpson to a young fan who promptly bursts into tears (OK, um, that last one was really lame, but I was watching cooking stuff, which does have merit, and I slipped. I told you I was an addict).

But the thing is, see, I can only feed my addiction with high-speed internet, which I don't have at home. I've been housesitting with it for a week and glued to the screen. Luckily, I go home on Tuesday and have no patience to wait 5 whole minutes to download a minute and a half clip of Takeru Kobayashi speed-eating deep-fried asparagus. (Yes, that's on there, too, but I honestly passed on that one).

I've been re-thinking getting high-speed at home...the underwear-episode is, well, embarassing. What self-respecting lesbian watches hunky gay guys in tighty-whiteys? OK, so the first step is admitting that you have a problem. Did that. The next step is recovery. So, if you hear me say I'm gonna get cable internet, by god, you'd better do an intervention or next you'll be hearing about me watching out-of-synch Burundian ABBA karaoke.

OK, gotta go. I've got 10 minutes before I have to leave the house. I want to catch that one clip I missed last night...

~ Julie